Dear Rose # 57- Did I Lock the Door? Navigating Overwhelm and Choosing Compassion

Rose is an amalgam of us - women in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond who are looking for somewhere they are seen, heard and listened to.

Dear Rose,

There’s this thing I do that tells me I’m really overwhelmed. I drive away from the Little Grove Hall after yoga on Wednesday night, and as I get closer to home, I think, Did I lock the door of the hall?

Depending on how overwhelmed I am, I either say, Yep, of course you did, Em, or I turn around and go back to check. This started after Sara was first diagnosed with cancer. I was caring for her while feeling emotionally shattered by what my friend was going through, plus working and teaching. You could probably put this in the dictionary as one of the definitions of the word overwhelmed.

Tonight, as I drove away from the hall, I had the thought. It wasn’t surprising, really, because work has been really stressful lately. There have been a lot of deadlines and pressure, and I’ve been working extra hours. Plus, there’s been the emotional toll of Barney‘s anniversary.

I convinced myself not to turn around. But after I watched some telly while eating dinner, the coordinator of another hall texted me to ask if I saw the padlock on the door on Monday night. I had, hadn’t I? (Yeah I definitely had). But it instantly reminded me of Little Grove tonight. I couldn’t let it go, so I drove all the way back to check.

It was locked. Of course.

Part of me is a little disturbed by my behaviour, but mostly, I feel compassion. Obviously, life is overwhelming at the moment, so I deserve kindness rather than derision.

I’m taking Monday off to decompress. I think I need it.

Love, Em xx