Dear Rose # 36 - The Russian Doll Syndrome: Navigating Post-Infection Life

Rose is an amalgam of us - women in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond who are looking for somewhere they are seen, heard and listened to.

Dear Rose,

I’m in this weird place called post-infection syndrome. It feels like being the teeny-tiny centerpiece of a Russian doll set. No one can see that part of me unless they dig really deeply—if they just knew how.

I’m no longer coughing. I don’t have a runny nose. The color has returned to my face. But if you look closely, my eyes don’t sparkle and my skin is dull. I can teach a yoga class or speak up in a meeting, but by lunchtime, I’m eating my salad in slow motion wishing I could sleep for another eight hours.

When I tell colleagues or acquaintances that I’m still recovering, a half-smile appears on their faces, and it feels like they’re thinking, "That’s weird."

I realise Russian dolls don’t have feelings, but I imagine if they did, that centerpiece would be an expert at acceptance. She’s always the last to be revealed and the first to be put away. There is nothing she can do but be exactly who she is.

So, my mission now is to accept being this doll: seeming like the robust, colourful outer doll, and knowing that I’m really the teeny unseen one inside. Just for now.

Love, Em xx