Dear Rose # 18 - The invisible load

Rose is an amalgam of us - women in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond who are looking for somewhere they are seen, heard and listened to.

Dear Rose,

I wake up most Thursday mornings utterly exhausted. The rest from the weekend has worn off and I’m coming to the end of my council work week. I used to think that meant there was something wrong with me—something I had to fix. And maybe there is. But the fix is not what I used to think it was.

Maybe my exhaustion isn’t due to not eating well enough or not getting enough exercise. Maybe it’s not because I go to bed too late (because I don’t) or because I carry a bit of extra weight. I think my exhaustion is actually the result of all the invisible things we people-pleasers deal with:

• Staying polite when really you’d love to yell.

• Smiling through pain, rudeness, or incompetence.

• The cumulative tiredness from caring for others for years and years.

• A lifetime of trying to fit into acceptable beauty standards.

• Being paid less than men to do the same job, or having the work we do undervalued by society.

• Having our pain minimised by the medical fraternity.

• Taking care of other people's emotions.

• Managing the invisible mental load of planning and coordinating life.

• Doing the housework as well as working.

• Beating myself up for not doing it all perfectly.

Or, maybe it’s just that I don’t eat enough salad.

Love, Em xx