Dear Rose # 63 - Learning to Self-Soothe: Why We Need to Treat Ourselves Like Frightened Children

Rose is an amalgam of us - women in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond who are looking for somewhere they are seen, heard and listened to.

Dear Rose,

This afternoon, the nipoti (Italian for nieces, nephews, and grandchildren—a niece and two nephews in my case) came to visit.

They love jumping on the trampoline, and when they visit, my next-door neighbour often comes over to say hello. Today, he brought his dog, too, because recently the dog and I have fallen in love (that’s a whole other letter!).

When his wife drove down the driveway a few minutes later, the dog started to bark and my youngest nephew started to cry. He likes dogs, but not their bark. I could see how terrified he was, so I rushed over to comfort him. It took longer than I expected, and as I realised how scared he was, I cuddled and soothed him more.

It made me think about how harsh we are on ourselves as adults in similar situations. It might not be a dog barking, but if we are scared about test results, we tell ourselves to get on with things until we know what’s happening. Or if we are scared we can’t pay the bills, we beat ourselves up for not being better with money. Or if we are scared about the consequences of saying a stupid thing in a meeting, we just tell ourselves we're stupid.

I wonder what the world would be like if we just soothed ourselves instead. Just a thought.

Love, Em xx