Dear Rose # 47 - Somatic Memory and Grief: Surviving the Changing of the Seasons

Rose is an amalgam of us - women in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond who are looking for somewhere they are seen, heard and listened to.

Dear Rose,

Last December, when it was the one-year anniversary of Sara’s death, I was really surprised by how much grief took me over. I’d just moved to my new place, and work was going well. I was getting used to, and even enjoying, my new life—but my body just knew it was time to mourn again.

I couldn’t figure it out, and then someone clever suggested to me, ”It’s the seasons.” My body was remembering how it felt a year ago because the season was the same: the light, the warmth, the busyness of town, the Christmas vibes.

It’s now coming up to a year since Barney died. I was at a restorative yoga class this afternoon, and I felt it again.

I did a lot of restorative yoga after he died. It was the depths of winter, and another friend was killed in a hit-and-run shortly afterward, too. It was dark. It was cold. It was lonely. It was truly dire. And my nightly seventeen minutes of restorative yoga—complete with bolsters, cushions, blankets, and rivers of tears—was my saviour.

But my body remembered that today, and it made me scared of winter. Scared of the grief memories that might be around the corner.

All I know is that I survived December,  and it’s likely I’ll survive winter, too.

Love, Em xx