Dear Rose # 23 - Beyond Barney: Learning to risk love again after loss

Rose is an amalgam of us - women in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond who are looking for somewhere they are seen, heard and listened to.

Dear Rose,

When I lost my dog, Barney, last year, I kept getting asked the same question: Are you going to get another one? That was one of the hardest things about losing him—the knowledge that I probably never would.

There were plenty of reasons. The "heart" reason was that I couldn't risk that much hurt again. The "head" reason was that I work a lot; a new dog would be alone all the time.

A few weeks after Barney died, I realised I missed having someone to care for. I mentioned to a friend that I’d like some fish. Unbeknownst to me, she kept fish herself, and within a week, she’d brought me a tank with a few babies.

An obsession was born. I love having fish, and I liked that they are at arm's length. You can’t cuddle a fish!  So, when I lost a few early on, it didn't hurt so much.

But something unexpected has happened. I got some new fish last week, and one of them is having neurological issues, likely due to the shock of the travel and the new tank (a sensitive soul—I relate). I’ve created a little hospital ward for her and given her the space she needs.

And guess what? Little Darlene is rallying. And guess what else? I’ve fallen in love.

I will never love a fish as much as I loved Barney (not that love needs to be a competition), but it feels strangely and wonderfully great to open my heart to something again. I know she still might not make it, but experiencing that love again is worth the risk. I understand that now.

Love, Em xx